Computer Language
Webmaster Gnomely's Journal Entry:
Gnomely's
Guide to Computer
Programming Languages
and Gnomenclature
Ah, the all important topic of computer languages.
Yup, computers have their
own languages.
Quite a lot of them in fact.
If you don't know at least a little of computer programming languages
they will do
very
nasty,
sneaky things behind your website's back.
And trust me on this
one; computers aren't very forgiving at all.
You either do things their way or they'll send you
into having reoccurring sitemares or heaven forbid into a total
siteaster.
 Actually,
you
need to learn
Cyberese.
Really!
I can honestly confirm from personal observations that the sooner you
learn Cyberese the happier you'll be.
I have to sadly tell you that I had to watch, on many occasions, my
endearing webmaster companion Sue's eyes literally roll up inside her
head when she tried to decipher the various computer programming
languages in her early days of site building.
Who could blame her
though?
It's very confusing at first. Literally anyone could freak-out!
There was also a great deal of a verbal temper tantrum that could rival
the most obnoxious two year old with language that has had my ears
ringing for days. (And mind you, my ears are already so stuffed so full
of cotton that I can't really hear all that well to begin with.)
I
tried my very best to intercede,
however. . .
For an amazingly advanced technological virtual entity with lots of
good old fashioned hard drive supervised by the all knowing Mrs. Mother
Board, I'm sorry to say that I have not been successful in teaching
those different stubborn computer language types the universal
linguistics of gnomish. ()
Unfortunately, I'm afraid that all I've been able to gather so far is
translation for the following more common computer language terms.
May
I proudly present the first of its kind, your computer language
reference resource guide. . .
*
Gnomely's Online Dictionary of *
Computer
Terminology:
- CSS:
Cyber
Super
Secrets
- HTML:
Hola
Tsou
Maksha
Lega
aka Hello in five
different languages from the www (For you newbies, that the universally
accepted shorthand for the World Wide Web).
-
Java Script: A prescription
for gourmet coffee
- RSS:
Really
Serious
Sitemares
- Blogging:
A carefree
romp through the cranberry bogs of New England
- IT:
Tag, you're IT!
- SEO:
Simply
Exasperating
Output
- Spider:
The universally revered mythical
cyber deity of the land of SEO and favorite pet of Webmasters
- Id
Ten T:
Computer error code automatically generated by ignorance.
Just spell it
out. . . ID10T
But thankfully, my trusty side kick Walter is an expert
in the linguistics of
cyberese.
Hey!
Have you met Walter yet?
Oh, so sorry, let me
introduce you to a Gnome's best friend, Walter the
Farting Dog.
Although Walter's expertise tends to be in the highly specialized area
of
the silent but sometimes deadly (SBD)
languages. He is world renowned,
mind you. Walter even has a whole
series of webmaster help books written about him in
many languages. (Walter
is
famous!)
Walter has graciously offered several
suggestions for improving
your fluency:
- Click and Pray
- Hire a professional translator
- Refer to
Gnomely's (Webmaster Extraordinaire and Cyber Genius) Online Dictionary
of Computer Terminology
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