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Website Help
Introducing Gnomely...
Webmaster Extraordinaire!

gnomHave you ever needed website help? Have you ever made website mistakes?

Well of course you have! You're not alone. We all have created our share of web site problems.

But now with my web site building help I'll help you avoid making web site problems for yourself and prevent you from creating website mistakes.

That's wonderful! Glad to have you. Welcome!

I want you to have a very SUCCESSFUL website too! I want you to become a gazillionaire.


My name is Gnomely. I'm a Gnome of course.

Well, defines the word gnome as derived from the New Latin gnomus.

They say that the word is often claimed to descend from the Greek gnosis, "knowledge", but more likely comes from genomos "earth-dweller", in which case the omission of e is, as the Oxford English Dictionary calls it, a blunder.

Go Figure!

It is also possible that Paracelsus simply made the word up. (I have no idea who that is, do you?)

Other sources reveal that Gnomes are commonly portrayed as large-headed humanoids about a meter in height, displaying characteristics such as a cheery temperament, a high degree of intelligence coupled with curiosity and poor judgment, and an unusual talent when it comes to either using magic or inventing and building technology, depending on the setting.

No siree.

I happen to have excellent judgment and a superior technological intellect. You see, my ancestry dates all the way back to the conception of the World Wide Web. I'm proud to tell you that I happen to be one of those rare but supremely gifted Cyber Gnomes!

Let me introduce myself...

mascot(Unlike those other two furry hair balls who share little tips and tidbits of site building advice that lurk around this website.)

And let me tell you, if those two tiny rascals, Bits and Bytes, are considered to be the precious guardians of cyber information, then I'm certainly a ginormous Megabyte, reigning King of the internet!

mascotIn other words...
I have it all over those two pesky
little know-it-all virtual fuzz balls.

As Webmaster Extraordinaire, I will be your "Don't Do It" mentor, coach and guide patiently providing you with valuable website help throughout your entire site building experience.

Website Help Journal

Which, by the way, I don't share with just anyone.
(You'll find all my helpful journal entries right at the end
of my very long yet spellbinding letter of introduction!)

I'd just love it if you would share your story too!

We can provide each other with valuable website help that will prevent all those nasty website problems humans seem to create for themselves with wild abandon.
(Click Here to Share)

Most humans learn best from making mistakes.

But fixing web site problems can be frustrating and time consuming. Plus, I've observed that humans can become quite overwrought when they commit that rampant site building crime of accruing way too many errors.

You see, my human Webmaster companion Sue, has made her share of website faux pas over the years. I've watched her curse up a storm, dissolve into a pathetic fit of weeping hysteria, and work herself into an absolutely frantic tizzy.

All over avoidable mistakes! (From personal experience, I can tell you that it is very, very disturbing to have to watch what you humans call having a conniption fit!)

I'm going to teach you how to avoid making website mistakes!

You see, my most favorite Gnomish motto is:

You will receive all the website help you need right here including the most important website building tips, techniques and strategies of all time:

How to avoid the most common pitfalls of site building.

This is inevitably due to a severe flaw in the human species and therefore forgivable tendency towards technological illiteracy.
(Sorry, but I have to be honest with you!)

The end result however, is that you will at some point or other manage to create a sitemare. (It's rather like what you humans call a nightmare but displayed in a very visual and tangible way on the internet for everyone in the cyber world see).

Quite simply you will have the advantage of knowing what not to do when building your site which in turn will save you countless hours of agony and despair. (And from falling prey to those debilitating conniption fits).

Your site will never resemble scrambled eggs nor will you ever be faced with a virtual reoccurring sitemare.

I have spent a great deal of effort recruiting a wonderful yet sometimes painfully inept webmaster who can, quite frankly, be a certifiable moron when some of her efforts are applied to technological applications.

You see, Sue is unique in the respect that she wholeheartedly accepts the unavoidable fact that an overly stuffed 5.2 inch talking gnome can lend invaluable support. I am proud to say that I have acquired immeasurable tech savvy and site building mastery while watching Sue refine her webmaster skills. And in no time you will too.

You see, I've put this Website Help Journal together without Sue's knowledge; so you can't ever tell! Sue can never know! I'm 100% sure she would have one of those awful conniption fits if she was to ever find out.

Gosh, and just so you know how important this promise is to me, it is a matter of self-preservation. That's right! My very Gnomeliness would be in jeopardy if word of this ever got out.

I can see it now...

Sue would stop protecting me from that little hairy beast that she lets snuggle up to her feet when she works on her websites.

JakeThe beast's name is Jake.

He is an Australian terrier.

That's right, one of those down-under chaps.

(He's also a major pain in the kabunzies!)

Unfortunately, he has been seriously and profoundly  short-changed in the intellect department.

Imagine Winnie the Pooh's friend Tigger all fired up on mega doses of caffeine combined with the Scarecrow from the Wizard of Oz (if he only had a brain) bouncing aimlessly about with wild abandon.

What's even more unfortunate is that Jake likes me. I mean it! Jake really, really loves me. (*Groan*).

If Sue isn't actively protecting me that little hare brain rascal is up on the computer chair in a heartbeat to snatch me away from my ever vigilant post next to the computer screen.

JakeI can't even begin to tell you how much I suffer when I'm held captive in his disgusting slobbery mouth.

Then, to my further humiliation he prances around the house with me digging his canines as far into my belly as they will go in an effort to hear me beg for release in the most undignified manner.

So, I'm sure you can understand how absolutely essential it is to secure your solemn promise before I can reveal any secrets and pass along my highly coveted web site building help so you can prevent web site problems.

Alrighty then.
(I seriously do need all the protection I can get from that little beastie so I'm going to have to trust you on this!)

  • Consistent access to my Website Help Journal: Save to Favorites or use this handy, dandy little widget:

  • Your Own Webmaster Mentor: (That would be me, Gnomely, the one and only virtual website building help wizard). You can be content with my virtual self which is located only on this most riveting website or you can order one of my siblings so you have your very own mentoring Cyber Gnome.

    The ever so handsome Henry the Talking Gnome will stand proudly by your computer screen and stare endlessly and patiently at you during your entire web building experience. (A word of warning... my siblings and I can be programmed to talk back to you so be careful how you treat your Cyber Gnome Mentor!) And for even more riveting webmaster help that will literally blow you away don't forget to get my ever faithful side-kick and companion, Walter too.

  • A computer: I recommend one of those lap top computers so you can take your instruction, your website and my Website Help Journal wherever you go. (Don't forget about a back-up computer data storage system as well so you don't lose any of your very precious and important work!) 

  • Site Build It!: Simply the best, quickest, easiest, most spectacular website hosting service on the planet. Don't even think about building your website without it!

Now remember...

Avoid these common website mistakes. You'll have no excuse because I'm going to share all sorts of wonderful website help with you right here, right now:

Begin your journey to web mastery by selecting any one of my most enlightening and riveting "Don't Do It" Website Help Journal entries below.

I'd like to thank you for joining me. I'm so happy to have you as a member in my ever growing exclusive website help fan club!

And just to keep those two roly-poly fur balls happy, Bits and Bytes, would you please sign-up for their web site tips?

website news(Thank you so very much. You have my deepest gratitude!)

That way they will stop pestering me and leave me alone so I can keep up with my Website Help Journal entries.

Your Ever Brilliant Webmaster,


website guideP.S. If you happen to not have noticed yet or been kind enough not to mention it, my hands have been rather inconveniently stitched to my sides so sharing this information presents somewhat of a major challenge for me. So please be patient while I painstakingly add my Website Help Journal entries.

Gulp! It's now or never I guess.
So here goes.
Ready or not.
I'm opening my infamous journal just for you...

* My Website Help Journal Entries *

In process:

  • Feeding Spiders Dust Bunnies
  • Siteasters
  • Who Tossed Their Cookies?

P.S. (Again) Hey, I've just had another one of my simply jaw dropping, fabulous and outstanding Gnomish ideas!

visitorWhy don't you get your worst website mistake off
your mind? (Click Here)

I've heard that you humans find it a cathartic experience to share your horror stories. (To be perfectly honest, I actually had to look up cathartic since Gnomes don't ever feel the need to confess anything; it means"... producing a feeling of being purified emotionally, spiritually)."

Well I say go for it!


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