Website Help
Introducing
Gnomely...
Webmaster Extraordinaire!
 Have you ever needed website help? Have you ever
made website mistakes?
Well of course you have! You're not alone. We all
have created our share of web site problems.
But now with my web site building help I'll help
you avoid making web site problems for yourself and prevent you from
creating website mistakes.
That's wonderful! Glad to have you. Welcome!
I want you to have a very SUCCESSFUL
website too!
I want you to become a gazillionaire.
Hi!
My name is Gnomely. I'm a Gnome of course.
Well, Answers.com defines the word gnome as
derived from the New Latin gnomus.
They say that the word is often claimed to
descend from the Greek gnosis, "knowledge", but more likely comes from
genomos "earth-dweller", in which case the omission of e is, as the
Oxford English Dictionary calls it, a blunder.
Go Figure!
It is also possible that Paracelsus simply made
the word up. (I have no idea who that is, do you?)
Other sources reveal that Gnomes are commonly
portrayed as large-headed humanoids about a meter in height, displaying
characteristics such as a cheery temperament, a high degree of
intelligence coupled with curiosity and poor judgment, and an unusual
talent when it comes to either using magic or inventing and building
technology, depending on the setting.
No siree.
I happen to have excellent judgment and a superior
technological intellect. You see, my ancestry dates all the way back to
the conception of the World Wide Web. I'm proud to tell you that I
happen to be one of those rare but supremely gifted Cyber Gnomes!
Let me introduce myself...
 (Unlike those other two furry hair balls who
share little tips and tidbits of site building advice that lurk around
this website.)
And let me tell you, if those two tiny rascals,
Bits
and Bytes, are considered to be the precious guardians of
cyber
information, then I'm certainly a ginormous Megabyte, reigning King of
the internet!
 In other words...
I have it all over those two pesky
little know-it-all virtual fuzz balls.
As Webmaster Extraordinaire, I will be your "Don't
Do It" mentor, coach and guide patiently providing you
with valuable website help throughout your entire site building
experience.
Website Help Journal
Which, by the way, I
don't share with just anyone.
(You'll find all my
helpful journal entries right at the end
of my very long yet spellbinding letter of introduction!)
I'd just love it if you would share
your story too!
We can provide each other with valuable website
help that will prevent all those nasty website problems humans seem to
create for themselves with wild abandon.
(Click
Here to Share)
Most humans
learn best from making mistakes.
But
fixing web site problems can be frustrating and time consuming. Plus,
I've observed that humans can become quite overwrought when they commit
that rampant site building crime of accruing way too many errors.
You see, my human Webmaster companion Sue, has made her share of
website faux pas over the years. I've watched her curse up a storm,
dissolve into a pathetic fit of weeping hysteria, and work herself into
an absolutely frantic tizzy.
All over avoidable mistakes! (From personal
experience, I can tell you that it is very, very disturbing to have to
watch what you humans call having a conniption fit!)
I'm going to teach you how to avoid making
website mistakes!
You see, my most favorite Gnomish motto is:
You will receive all the website help you need
right here including the most important website building tips,
techniques and strategies of all time:
How to avoid the most common pitfalls of site
building.
This is inevitably due to a severe flaw in the
human species and therefore forgivable tendency towards technological
illiteracy.
(Sorry, but I have to be honest with you!)
The end result however, is that you will at some point or other manage
to create a sitemare.
(It's rather like what you humans call a
nightmare but displayed in a very visual and tangible way on the
internet for everyone in the cyber world see).
Quite simply you will have the advantage of
knowing what not to do when building your site which in turn will save
you countless hours of agony and despair. (And from falling prey to
those debilitating conniption fits).
Your site will never
resemble
scrambled eggs nor will you ever be faced with a virtual reoccurring
sitemare.
I have spent a great deal of effort recruiting a
wonderful yet sometimes painfully inept webmaster who can, quite
frankly, be a certifiable moron when some of her efforts are applied to
technological applications.
You see, Sue is unique in the respect that she
wholeheartedly accepts the unavoidable fact that an overly stuffed 5.2
inch talking gnome can lend invaluable support. I am proud to say that
I have acquired immeasurable tech savvy and site building mastery while
watching Sue refine her webmaster skills. And in no time you will too.
You see, I've put this Website Help
Journal together without Sue's knowledge; so you can't
ever tell! Sue can never know! I'm 100% sure she would have one of
those awful conniption fits if she was to ever find out.
Gosh, and just so you know how important this
promise is to me, it is a matter of self-preservation. That's right! My
very Gnomeliness would be in jeopardy if word of this ever got out.
I can see it now...
Sue would stop protecting me from that little
hairy beast that she lets snuggle up to her feet when she works on her
websites.
 The beast's name is Jake.
He is an Australian terrier.
That's right, one of those down-under chaps.
(He's also a major pain in the kabunzies!)
Unfortunately, he has been seriously and
profoundly short-changed in
the intellect department.
Imagine Winnie the Pooh's friend Tigger all fired
up on mega doses of caffeine combined with the Scarecrow from the
Wizard of Oz (if he only had a brain) bouncing aimlessly about with
wild abandon.
What's even more unfortunate is that Jake likes
me. I mean it! Jake really, really loves me. (*Groan*).
If Sue isn't actively protecting me that little
hare brain rascal is up on the computer chair in a heartbeat to snatch
me away from my ever vigilant post next to the computer screen.
 I can't
even begin to tell you how much I suffer when I'm held captive in his
disgusting slobbery mouth.
Then, to my further humiliation he prances
around the house with me digging his canines as far into my belly as
they will go in an effort to hear me beg for release in the most
undignified manner.
So, I'm sure you can understand how absolutely
essential it is to secure your solemn promise before I can reveal any
secrets and pass along my highly coveted web site building help so you
can prevent web site problems.
Alrighty then.
(I seriously do need
all the protection I can get from that little beastie so I'm going to
have to trust you on this!)
-
Consistent access to my Website Help
Journal:
Save to Favorites or use this handy, dandy little widget:
-
Your Own
Webmaster Mentor: (That would be me,
Gnomely, the one and only virtual website
building help wizard). You can be content with my virtual
self which is located only on this most riveting website or you can
order one of my siblings so you have your very own mentoring Cyber
Gnome.
The ever so handsome Henry the Talking Gnome
will stand proudly by your computer screen and stare endlessly and
patiently at you during your entire web building experience.
(A
word of warning... my siblings and I can be programmed to talk back to
you so be careful how you treat your Cyber Gnome Mentor!) And for even
more riveting webmaster
help that will literally blow you away don't forget to get my
ever faithful side-kick and companion, Walter too.
-
A
computer: I recommend one of those lap
top computers so you can take your instruction, your website
and my Website Help Journal
wherever you go. (Don't forget about a back-up
computer data storage system as well so you don't lose any of
your very precious and important work!)
-
Site
Build It!:
Simply the best, quickest, easiest, most spectacular
website hosting service on the planet. Don't even think about
building your website without it!
Now remember...
Avoid these common website
mistakes. You'll have no excuse because I'm going to share all sorts of
wonderful website help with you right here, right now:
Begin your journey to web mastery by selecting any
one of my most enlightening and riveting "Don't Do It" Website
Help
Journal entries below.
I'd like to thank you for joining me. I'm so happy
to have you as a member in my ever growing exclusive website help fan
club!
And just to keep those two roly-poly fur balls
happy, Bits and Bytes, would you please sign-up for their web site
tips?
 (Thank you so very much. You have my deepest
gratitude!)
That way they will stop pestering me and leave me
alone so I can keep up with my Website Help Journal entries.
Your Ever Brilliant Webmaster,
Gnomely
 P.S. If you happen to not have noticed yet or
been kind enough not to mention it, my hands have been rather
inconveniently stitched to my sides so sharing this information
presents somewhat of a major challenge for me. So please be patient
while I painstakingly add my Website Help Journal entries.
Gulp! It's now or never I guess.
So here goes.
Ready or not.
I'm opening my infamous journal just for you...
* My Website Help Journal Entries *
In process:
- Feeding Spiders Dust Bunnies
- Siteasters
- Who Tossed Their Cookies?
P.S. (Again) Hey,
I've just had another one of my simply jaw dropping, fabulous and
outstanding Gnomish ideas!
Why don't you get your worst website mistake off
your mind? (Click Here)
I've heard that you humans find it a cathartic
experience to share your horror stories. (To be perfectly honest, I
actually had to look up cathartic since Gnomes don't ever feel the need
to confess anything; it means"... producing a feeling of being purified
emotionally, spiritually)."
Well I say go for it!
What human doesn't want a bit of emotional
purification now and then? I think it's marvelous that I have found
such an ideal way for you to get purified!
Quick Tip: Click the
questions marks on the form for very important information about
writing your journal entry. (I have lots of secrets hidden there!)
Ta Da! The unveiling.
Here it is.
Just for you...
Share Your Website Help "Don't Do It!" Experience
Create Your Own Journal Entry!
Share your site building disaster!
. . .and your solution (of course) so no one else
experiences the same heart-stopping
catastrophe you did.
By the way, do humans need to be purified often? Well, no matter. Please feel free to come and get your site building woes off your chest as often as you like.
As your endearing Webmaster mentor, website help coach, and now purifier I will always be here for you. Promise! (Cross my whiskers and hope my little red cap doesn't fall off.)
Now Learn What Other Experiences Visitors Have Shared:
Click below to see the stories that other visitors have made to this captivating website help journal...
(Boy, there are some doozies!)
TIP: You can add comments or share how you were able to resolve a similar problem to any story! Visitors would love to hear your feedback and any words of wisdom you'd like to share. . .
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